I cannot find my penis.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize