So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you had me at cake vodka
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
