Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
