Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
