I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize