im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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