having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
