She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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