Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I checked into jail on foursquare
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
