So drunk its hurt
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize