The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
