pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
