3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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