So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
