She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
