I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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