I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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