mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
