some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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