So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
PANTIES FOUND
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
