But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
