last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
