I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She announced her abortion via fbk
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
