i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
