dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
