And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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