I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
