The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
