He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
