why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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