i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
