It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize