Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
