you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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