i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
