I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
