Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
