My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
