Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
