You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
