I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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