Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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