Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
