Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
