so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
