He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
