I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
