just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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