My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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