In the future we'll all be gay
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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