I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
