i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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