I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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