Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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