I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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