3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
