She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The best revenge is premature balding
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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