Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
