so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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