She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
