Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
