i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
