Life is so much better after having sex.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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