Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize