ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
