i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
