my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
