Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
