u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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