I think I am morally bankrupt
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
