looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
