Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize