FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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