He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
