I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He felt like a one man threesome
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
