So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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