i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
