Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
